Tag Archives: blogging

Back to the Blog: saying good-bye to non-blogging

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So, according to my blog stats, it has been 5 1/2 months since the last time I wrote anything. What in the world have I been doing? I write that as if you are asking the question, but I am the one who is actually asking it. What HAVE I been doing? That’s a bunch of time to be non-blogging.

Sometimes I just stop doing things with no definite reason. Am I the only one? It’s like when I was little and taking tap dance. One day, I announced to my mother that I no longer wanted to take it. The End. There was no real explanation, I even remember that I liked tap dance class! I loved wearing the little pink matching tights and leotard; I liked the sound the shoes made on the floor when I walked up the stairs to class; I liked watching myself in the tall mirrors; and I liked getting to do dance recitals an being a star. So, why did I do it?Your guess is as good as mine-I could have been on Broadway by now. Then, there was the time that I got on board the latest fitness craze…..hahaha! Wait, that’s hilarious. That happens all the time, and I’m just lazy. There, that’s a credible reason, but sometimes it’s not as cut and dried.

I try to analyze my motivation all of the time. So these are the “maybes” that I’ve come up with concerning my season of non-blogging. Maybe I didn’t think there was enough response. Maybe I thought that it should propel me into the literary world with a bang. Maybe I didn’t write as consistently as others and my unconventional approach means that I’m not a good writer. Maybe I wasn’t organized enough. Maybe my content wasn’t timely and gut-wrenching enough to garner enough followers. Maybe I was lazy. Maybe I got bored. Maybe I’m just a poser (that’s always an option, remember?). Maybe I couldn’t concentrate while my son was raiding everyday with his guild online. Maybe my seasonal affective disorder got the best of me.

Maybe there is no reason.

Regardless of my motivation or lack thereof, I am back to blogging. I decided to give myself assignments, because I’m really just a student at heart. I love assignments. So, I’ll be blogging on my days off to begin with. I’m off on Wednesdays and Sundays. I haven’t come up with any content assignments, so for now I’ll just go with whatever is brewing in this chaotic noggin of mine. Feel free to throw some assignments at me. Random thoughts are the best!

Right now, I’m participating in the Poem A Day (PAD) challenge, so I thought that I would leave you with my first  poem about beginnings. (Please understand that this is a first draft!) If you’re a poet, I’d like to encourage you to participate as well. You can find it on the Writersdigest.com website.

In the Beginning

 

Chaos, formlessness awaiting the spark

Cold, barren, void of life

I hold my not-yet-breathing breath

Waiting to receive

Waiting to conceive

Waiting for the spark to ignite an inferno

 

My raw senses sound the alarm

Anticipation of first contact

Your touch lights the match

Spreading wildfire through my being

My skin, my flesh, my bones

Being consumed, wanting to consume

As the flames melt the years of desolation

the years of nothingness

the years of sorrow

into tiny innocuous puddles

reflecting nothing

 

We blaze until we’re reduced to ashes

Until we burn each other to the ground

Fertilizing the fallow soil

Bringing life to my once empty land

The smoldering embers quietly testify

To the creation of my world

And the genesis of my heart

 

The dawn of my soul begins

 

 

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I’m Afraid of Blogging!

     

       Warning! Intimate Confession imminent:  think I’m afraid to blog. Gasp! Really crazy, huh? I go to all of the trouble to make a blog, and then I only blog every now and then. Absolutely no consistency. Well, I’m totally into analyzing things to death. If you don’t do it, you should try. (I’m being sarcastic- you really shouldn’t) The best part is when you analyze things so much that you get what one of my Pastors call the “paralysis of analysis”. That’s when you have analyzed yourself into a corner, and you can’t move. You’re just stuck there, in your corner-stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. So, I think that’s where I am as far as the blogging analysis conundrum. I am in the corner after having analyzed why in the world I am finding it so hard to blog consistently, and I’ve realized that the only way out of the corner is to write my way out. So ironic, yes?

        Ok. So here is what I’ve been struggling with. I want to lay my heart out for whatever reason, and boldly proclaim all of my opinions, weaknesses, joys, pain, struggles, and silly nonsense. However, when i begin to do that, I start to think about how people may respond to what I think. There are ones that will be shocked and judge me. There are also ones that may be offended. I don’t think those are the ones that would affect me negatively. It’s the third set of people that I’m just not into dealing with: the argumentative ones. I am all for an intellectual discussion about certain issues and opinions. It is when these discussions turn ugly and no one wants to hear the other’s voice. They only strive to make the other person feel wrong and ashamed. I am so not about those kind of arguments, and I’ve found that there are so many people out there that want to argue for argument’s sake or just to prove that they are right. So, I guess I’m afraid of getting drawn into anything like that. 

        Number 2 fear/struggle: maybe I have nothing worth saying. I wonder if I am just adding to the noise that currently floods our society. Have you ever noticed that some people feel terribly uncomfortable not talking? There are people that walk around with their phones blaring music in a supermarket that already has music on, people talking, and babies crying. All of this noise makes people talk louder and louder, while trying to get their point across. Am I saying anything of worth? Am I provoking any thought? Is what I am saying resonating with anyone and causing them to think about really interesting if not important issues in our life full of noise? My fear is that my voice may not be heard for what it is meant to be.

         Another fear I have is that my words will not portray what my feelings feel. I love searching for just the right words to say that will express what I mean. If you ever talk with me, you will find a few things out that may be endearing or frustrating depending on your tolerance level. First, sometimes it takes me awhile to finish a complete sentence because I think way too hard about just the right way to say it. Secondly, if something is really, really important to me, I can not even get words out of my mouth. I’m totally mute because I need my words to match up to the feeling, and the feeling is so huge. So, it is hard for me to talk about very deep intimate subjects. Writing has been my relief from this weird phenomenon. However, I’ve never done it so publicly as in a blog. So, the fear grips me when I want to write about really important things to me such as acceptance, love, God, freedom, “isms”, and the like. 

            So, my only course of action to overcome these fears? Action, I guess. Whether someone wants to argue with me or doesn’t hear what I am, in fact, trying to say; or whether I stumble and misrepresent my own feelings, I have to just say what I want to say. Sitting in this corner paralyzed by fear and analysis is no way to live my life. I will never not care what other people think, because I’m a caring empathetic person. However, I choose not to be ruled by that like I used to be. I’m a pretty confident person now that I have grown up (in age, anyway). So, even if this blogging thing doesn’t change the world or change anyone’s life, it will change how I express myself. So, brace yourself for some opinions that might not line up with what you thought I believe or didn’t believe. Brace yourself for words that might not be traditionally phrased or line up with what you believe about the world. This girl is coming out of the corner slinging some ink and looking to write her own story! No fear will put me in timeout for long. I’m coming out swinging.